Tuesday, December 28, 2010

What does it take????

I am really wondering if I have what it takes to turn my whole lifestyle around..... I noted below that I am taking 3 steps forward and 1 step back and that overall my momentum is forward....

But, I'm just not sure I am entirely happy with that. I just want to be moving forward but I think it is a whole lot more than just this exercise/food/weight loss thing going on in my life. It's family, it's study, it's career, it's spiritual - the fact is, I need to work on every aspect of my life at the moment to help address the emotions - which will in turn address the need to eat to make myself feel better.

The emotional eating is something I confront every day and most days win against - not so much when I was around my family for 3 days over Christmas but we all did manage to get through it without a domestic - so that's a bonus!! At the moment I am using PepsiMAX to compensate for the desire to eat when feeling stressed, upset, crazy, hormonal, bored - you name it, I'll eat for it! So in essence - I am still avoiding confronting the emotion.

Half the problem is - I don't know where to start. But I figure I've just got to start somewhere.

SO!!! Back to the question - what does it take? Where is it that I have been successful in dropping the weight:

1. Planning and making back up plans and sticking to them. - I do need some flexibility in my life, in terms of timing etc but I have found things have gone most smoothly when I have plans in place and back up plans for those days I know are going to be a bit out of the ordinairy.

2. Exercising most days and having at least one big session a week.

3. Watching my calorie intake like a hawk!!!! Being honest about what I am eating and the amount I am eating - first and foremost.

4. Loving myself. I've noticed when I am down on myself it just doesn't work. I need to accept and love myself for the person I am right now and just get on with it.

It takes a lot of hard work - physically, emotionally, mentally and I need to persevere until it becomes second nature. - Just like brushing my teeth......

The Daily Record - Week 3

Week  3 Summary:    Wed Weigh In :   97.9 (96.8 an hour later??)   Overall Loss/Gain: +3.0

Day 19 - Sunday 02 Jan 
Exercise Undertaken: 8km bike ride
Positive thought: I accept myself as I am and will endeavour to look upon myself with kinder, more forgiving eyes.
And today’s win is.... Not eating every chocolate item in the cupboard and channelling my emotions in to meditation and my bike ride.
Calories In 1337  minus  ( Calories Out  200 plus BMR 1650  ) equals: -513
Comments: I am really struggling with emotional eating right now. I feel so dissatisfied with my life in general and it makes me feel really sad. Sad = eating comfort food and eating constantly. I am a classic feed your emotions kind of girl - Unfortunately it doesn't ultimately resolve anything.

Day 18  – Saturday 01 Jan 
**Note: I want to make today a big one - a reminder of what I want to go in to the new year with**
Exercise Undertaken: Nil - so disappointed with myself....
Positive thought: New Year, Same Me, New Attitude
And today’s win is.... Don't feel like I had a win today. Although "kept" within calories - it was all really, really poor choices of food.
Calories In 1111 minus  ( Calories Out  0  plus BMR 1650 ) equals: -439
Comments: Not happy about today -didn't want to start the New Year lazy! Still hurting from the mega workout on Thursday.

Day 17  – Friday 31 Dec
Exercise Undertaken: Run Walk in Heat
Positive thought:  Gave it a good go in the heat - worked as hard as I could
And today’s win is.... Running inspite of the weather
Calories In 1534 minus  ( Calories Out 300  plus BMR 1650 ) equals:  -316

Day 16  – Thursday 30 Dec
Exercise Undertaken: 45min 5km run/walk/jog/shuffle!  PLUS pump and RPM in the evening!
Positive thought: I am making changes every day that will build up in to something much bigger than I can even begin to imagine.
And today’s win is....Getting out the door to exercise in the morning
Calories In 1172 minus  ( Calories Out 1200  plus BMR 1650 ) equals: -1678
Comments:  An interesting day for food.  Decided on Bruschetta for lunch but one bread roll was 305 calories and 1 tbsp olive 159 - halved the bread, plenty of olive oil in 1 tbsp and tomato basil base at 54 calories brought the total to 363 Calories! Sweet!!! (And very filling!)

Day 15 – Wednesday 29 Dec
Exercise Undertaken:
Positive thought: Today I am back in the driver's seat - I have taken back control.
And today’s win is...
Calories In   minus  ( Calories Out plus BMR   ) equals: 
Comments:Weigh in today was strange - first weigh in of the morning I was up 2.0 kilos but then weighed myself again an hour later and it was only a .9 kilo gain...... I'll stick with the first and see where I am at next week. I really want to get below 90 kilos by the end of January.....
Day   14 –  Tuesday 28 Dec
Exercise Undertaken: Nil
Positive thought:
And today’s win is....
Calories In   minus  ( Calories Out   plus BMR  ) equals: 

Day 13 – Monday 27 Dec
Exercise Undertaken: Nil
Positive thought: I may be taking 3 steps forward, 1 step back, but the momentum overall is still forwards - I am not going back to where I once was but moving onward to the new me.
And today’s win is... Subway for lunch instead of submitting to the Highway fast food kings!
Calories In   minus  ( Calories Out   plus BMR 1700 ) equals: 
Comments: Travelled home from Canberra today - didn't record food intake or

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Daily Record - Week 2

Week 2 Summary:    Wed Weigh In : 95.9 : )     Overall Loss/Gain: -3.0

Day 7 - Sunday 26 Dec
Exercise Undertaken:
Positive thought:
And today’s win is....
Calories In  minus  ( Calories Out   plus BMR  ) equals: 

Day 11  – Saturday 25 Dec
Exercise Undertaken:
Positive thought:
And today’s win is....Not putting chips out with the nibblies and getting in to my swimmers in front of rellies....
Calories In  minus  ( Calories Out   plus BMR  ) equals: 

Day 10  – Friday 24 Dec
Exercise Undertaken: Nil
Positive thought:
And today’s win is....
Calories In  minus  ( Calories Out   plus BMR  ) equals: 

Day 9  – Thursday 23 Dec
Exercise Undertaken: Body Step class
Positive thought:
And today’s win is....
Calories In  minus  ( Calories Out   plus BMR  ) equals: 

Day 8  – Wednesday 22 Dec
Exercise Undertaken: Nil
Positive thought: I am becoming the fitter, healthier, more capable person I want to be EVERYDAY!
And today’s win is... Only ate when hungry today.
Calories In  962 minus  ( Calories Out nil  plus BMR 1700  ) equals: -738
Comments: Ecstactic that my way stayed low..... Not expecting a big loss next week with Christmas around the corner and my issues with getting out and training by myself....
Day 7  –  Tuesday 21 Dec
Exercise Undertaken: Short family walk
Positive thought: I am feeling attractive again -seeing myself beyond the physical. Liking my smile again!
And today’s win is....Sticking to an accelerator day!
Calories In  1082 minus  ( Calories Out nil  plus BMR  1700 ) equals: -618
Comments: Looks like today has been my no exercise day! Had a sneaky weigh in this morning and was down to 95.9..... I really, really hope tmw morning is the same or less!! "C'mon" (said Lleyton Hewitt style!)

Day 6  – Monday 20 Dec
Exercise Undertaken: Boxing class!
Positive thought: LOVED how I went for gold in my boxing class - feels so good!
And today’s win is....Keeping the Calories down despite a poor decision for an afternoon snack
Calories In  1322 minus  ( Calories Out 600  plus BMR 1700 ) equals: -978
Comments: Had a chocco frappe at McDs today 579 Calories in a Tall!!! OMG! NEVER eating from McD's again without knowing the Calorie Cost before hand - I thought it might the equivalent of 2 snacks NOT 2 meals!!

Friday, December 17, 2010

The Head Games 1 - Emotional Eating

One of the big battles I have with eating is the emotional eating. In the past I would eat when I'm stressed, when I'm bored, when I'm procrastinating, when I want to "feel better" about myself, for comfort, for sadness, in celebration - Cripes!!! - Where does it stop??

It's still happening right now - I'm not hungry but I want to snack on something because it will aid me in not thinking about all the other stuff happening in my life which is making me feel out of control....

In the past, choosing to eat something made me feel in control.

Now, I feel in control when I say no and try to label the emotion I'm trying to feed instead and then DEAL WITH IT!!!! Gosh, imagine recognising and "resolving" your own problems. I've been finding I just keep breaking it down in to manageable chunks. Even if it's as small as making a list of what steps I need to take to resolve the issue.

Yesterday I took myself out for a run/walk/run/walk/run in misting rain to make myself feel better and clear my head - and it worked! Who would have thought I wouldn't need chocolate cake.......

I kind of want to take a picture of this moment right now - because I feel pretty happy and I feel pretty strong and I feel like I am in control - and I want to remember this is why!!!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Daily Record - Week 1

Week 1 Summary:    Wed Weigh In SW: 98.9          Overall Loss/Gain:  Nil - Starting Weight

Day 5 – Sunday 19 Dec
Exercise Undertaken: Nil.... again.... Talk about major sabotage UPDATE: 930PM did workout DVD - toned and terrific! ; )
Positive thought:  I am making positive changes every day, even if it feels like I am taking a step back, I am actually ultimately ahead.
And today’s win is.... stopping my eating from becoming an all out binge.
Calories In   1306+  minus  ( Calories Out nil 300 plus BMR 1700 ) equals: -694
Comments:  Have made myself ill today with constant grazing and eating. OUT OF CONTROL! NOT ACCEPTABLE. Tomorrow will be a better today. I will not start out with a big breakfast again - reserve the calories for later in the day.

Day 4 – Saturday 18 Dec
Exercise Undertaken: Nil... : ( but it is 930pm and I am contemplating doing it now.
Positive thought: Got out for a walk with my 4yo daughter today - I felt like a good mum today! ; )
And today’s win is.... Ate clean and avoided temptation in the form of lemon tarts.
Calories In   1097    minus  ( Calories Out  nil  plus BMR  1700 ) equals: -603
Comments: Disappointed I let the day blow out again without exercising... gggrrrrr! Tomorrow will be an early start for exercise.

Day 3 – Friday 17 Dec
Exercise Undertaken: Zumba!!! (First class ever - loved it!!)
Positive thought: I was able to fit in to an old pair of jeans - that makes me feel good : )
And today’s win is....Not buying a hot chocolate or a "snack" while I was out shopping!
Calories In 1068 minus  ( Calories Out  400 plus BMR 1700 ) equals: -1032
Comments: Much better food day today! Reasonable intensity on the exercise! Even with a little dessert treat Calories low!!!

Day 2 – Thursday 16 Dec
Exercise Undertaken: 45 min jog/walk
Positive thought: Again honesty - recording every morsel of food
And today’s win is....Didn't feel like I could face the gym - so I JFDIed a run/walk in misty rain!  (Didn't even think I was going to run). It was needed and felt fantastic!
Calories In  1224   minus  ( Calories Out  503  plus BMR 1700 ) equals: -978 Cal
Comments:  Again - not a great food day. I need to go shopping and replenish with good stuff. Buying rice cakes. By the end of this week I will be eating clean! Jumped on scales this am and they were 2.1kg down from yesterday!! WTF??

Day 1 – Wednesday 15 Dec
Exercise Undertaken: Nil (by mid afternoon - feeling ill - currently wondering when I am going to vomit)
Positive thought: Although I am disappointed with myself, I am really pleased with my honesty to myself WRT recording my food and noting my lack of exercise.
And today’s win is not giving in to quick fix at lunch and instead made myself an egg sandwich (262 Cal)
Calories In:   938 minus  ( Calories Out   0   plus BMR 1700  ) equals: -762 Cal
Comments: Not the best food choices today, although within calories. Expect marked improvement tomorrow. Am thinking I need to cut out the pepsi Max - it is probably contributing to feeling ill.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Taking Stock on Day 1

Starting Weight: 98.8 (+1.7 kilos from Rd 3 final weigh in)

I have made plans for exercise for the upcoming 2 weeks. I stuffed up my 530am run/shuffle but have not been good at doing it in the past. Fortunately I can reschedule for 4pm this afternoon. I made myself do 10 pushups as soon as I got out of bed as punishment.

I am adding doing a 530am exercise session once a week to my goals because there will be days when this will be the best time for me. You never know! It may become a habit!

Exercise plan for Week 1:
Wed - Run/Shuffle      Thurs - RPM    Fri- Strength + Zumba    Sat - Bike ride/run      Sun - RPM + Stretch (Pilates DVD with the family!)

Red Flags coming up: Holiday season in general, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, 4yo Birthday Party.

My goals for the next 68 days....

So Rd 1 2011 of Michelle Bridge's 12WBT kicks off on 21 Feb. Which gives me 9 1/2 weeks or 68 days to go it on my own.

I have long given up on making weight loss goals - no matter what I do - I can't foresee how much weight will actually come off. While I will be watching the kilos and the centimetres my goals will not concern these.....

My aim is to be consistent in the following tasks:

1. Exercising at least 6 out of 7 days each week for at least an hour each day

2. Eating 1200 calories or less of appropriate food each day. 

3. Recording calories in and calories out.
4. Finding a positive to comment on each and every day and acknowledge a win no matter how small.(Thank you Natalia... : ) ) 

This commences tomorrow and we'll see where I am in 68 days time!!! I am so excited now. As Mish always says: "Consistency is key". This will be my mantra. Let the scheduling begin!!!

Rd 3 2010 - Workout and Party - It's a wrap!

I have had a big wake up call this weekend. I went in my mind's eye from fit fat (and acceptable) to just plain old fat (unacceptable).

I honestly thought that I was okay. That I was reasonably fit for my size, that I can do all the things I want to do and that I wasn't "that big".  I was horrified to discover that I am actually, really that big...

After seeing the photos from the 2010 Rd 3 12WBT workout, I decided:

I never want to sit out on a Michelle Bridge's workout session again.

I never want to see myself looking like that again.

I never want to let a week pass where I haven't done my best to be the best version of me that I can be.

I saw so many people who represent what I want to be in terms of size and fitness and the penny dropped that they had earned that. They hadn't made some half-hearted attempt and given up half way. They worked their arses off (in some cases literally) to get to where they were while I had stood on the sidelines and watched them go by - whining all the way.

Mish Bridges told me in the last live video that I needed to think about my commitment and to do some deep soul searching as to why I hadn't "succeeded" on the previous rounds...... I guess it really hit home when I saw myself from afar and realised how little effort I had really made and just how much I expected from that.

BUT!! It's not all bad news. The wonderful Talia (who was 3rd place for Michelle Bridge's 12WBT Rd 3 2010) suggested I acknowledge a positive each day.

So my positives from the weekend are:
- A 20 second improvement on my 1km trial even though I hadn't trained for the past 6 weeks (6:36).
- I got a wake up call - loud and clear!
- I got to meet some very special, loving giving people who gave me kinder eyes on myself.
- I got to be me for a few days and, deep down, I didn't mind what I saw.

I am ready to dig deep and move towards the person I want to be physically and mentally and I really feel like I am half way there already.