Tuesday, May 31, 2011
It is also well aware that I want to eat anyway, as a distraction to thinking about why I am upset today, why I am letting things get to me that don't really matter, why I am feeling so emotionally drained.... Because when I'm in the moment, eating, exercising whatever - I don't think about me, about my feelings - I just exist, function.
And I never have to confront, why I am where I am and what I am going to do about it.... Sometimes it's good to get out of your head but sometimes it's good to have a look inside. So today I am telling my Inner Labrador to sit, be quiet and let me think. Because I am moving forward and unless my Inner Labrador learns some manners, he/she is not coming along for the ride!**
**Who am I kidding?? That Inner Labrador has to find a new home! I don't have the space for him/her anymore ; )
Monday, May 30, 2011
As I sit here *waiting * for my computer to cooperate, I am reminded of how much time I've wasted sitting on the sidelines waiting for the time to be right!
Funny thing - I almost wrote waisted then. Sadly it's a true reflection. I believe very strongly in excess weight being emotionally connected. As I've spent my life doing things I don't want to do I have piled on and held on to weight.
This is the first time in 20 years I have felt this good about myself. I feel in control and ready to take on the world.
No more moments of happiness. I get to have daily happiness. No more waiting until..... I get to feel good about myself EVERY day. Love it!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
So the blog has had to take a second seat! Yet again.... Yipes!!!
I lost 700g at the first weigh in but I am aiming for bigger numbers this round! I want down!!! I want to mow through the 80s and in to the 70s!!! I am going to the end of round party dressed in the appropriate attire to my weight loss!!! Why not?? 60s go-go girl here I come!!
I have worked super hard this week but have managed to injure my calf muscle during my run this morning. So not happy with this but I am going to take it on board and use it to ensure I eat so very, very right the next few weeks until it is repaired. Another lesson to learn! :D
Friday, May 20, 2011
The bottom line is that “the way I am” is unhealthy and even if it doesn’t impact on my life now - it will down the track. It will be harder to fix /change things down the track, so I need to do it now, even if I don’t look as “fat as I weigh..”
2. It’s too hard to become a better person.
It’s hard but not “too” hard. I have gotten through bigger things and I am more capable than I give myself credit for. I have the ability to be a better person
3. I don’t have the brain capacity for this… still….
What “brain capacity” does it require?? I think you mean emotional capacity and you’ve already proven that you can cry your way through a triathlon or an RPM class and still get a good calorie burn. Also you have gone a loooong way in diminishing your emotional eating. You don’t need to think about this - you just need to take the program and do it. How many times?????
4. I am comfortable where I am. I already push out of my comfort zone in other areas of my life. I don’t want to push out of my comfort zone with exercise and food.
It may be true that you don’t have lofty goals of running a marathon or doing a full triathlon but the fact is, as long as you are sitting in your comfort zone - you are not reaching your full potential or being the best version of yourself. You are being the comfortable version of yourself and in the long run, that is going to be bloody boring. The only way to expand your comfort zone and experience more in your life is by being outside your comfort zone in all aspects of your life. Being out of my comfort zone with exercise is a good thing, it sharpens my mind as well as building physical strength and rolls in to other aspects of my life.
External Excuses Within My Control
2. My current commitments don’t allow me to get to the gym when I want to.
2. Work around those commitments. It’s not about when you WANT to go to the gym. It’s when you can. So start getting used to those Mish Bridges workouts that you can do when you can’t make it to a class. At home, in the backyard, at the gym when there are no classes on, on the gym machine.. Are you for real??? Options, JFDI, Let’s finish this girlfriend!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
I just read my post below re: my fear before the enticer triathlon. It was certainly a "defining" moment for me. So here is a blow by blow account:
After confronting my first fear of swimming in the ocean quite comfortably, I was feeling good and jumped on my bike.
That good feeling lasted about 10 mins. You see, folk had said the course was "quite hilly". These folk were liars. To an inexperienced rider such as myself it was really, really hard to imagine a hillier course, "quite" was not adequate. I dubbed it the Hilly Bike Course from Hell. (Although, technically, I don't believe in Hell, if there was a Hell this bike course would be in it.) Holy crap!!! It was hill after hill after hill and there was no relief!!!! Seriously.
By 20 mins in (prob - I had no real concept of time) I was blubbering my heart out. Big, heaving sobs as I realised even though I "couldn't do this" I had no choice but keep going toward the finish line. I think I basically cried most of the way back from there - even downhill! I knew I was dead last by a long shot and had resigned myself to parking the bike and quitting. There was no way I was going to finish this course. I couldn't even look at my family (Dave, Laura (10) and Erin(4)) as I approached the finish line for the bike course, knowing that I was going to park my bike. Walk off in to the crowd somewhere and watch everyone finish the race.
Unfortunately, the universe has graced me with perfect hearing, so over my screaming internal voice of self doubt, disappointment and pain, I heard the tiny, cherub-like voice of my four year old (most likely prompted by her father) saying "I'm so proud of you, mummy!" Uuurrrrgggghhhh! Now I HAD to finish the race.
So I parked my bike, put my head down and started jogging out to the 2km run course. *sigh* I was last, it was confirmed by the official who rode by me on his bike and informed base that he was with the last runner. I thought to myself that there was nothing more I could do now, so I resigned myself to finishing it. I ran the whole way and it actually felt good. A 2km run after the 10km bike ride from hell was a relief. My legs felt like lead but not in a bad way and I ran it in a pretty respectable time of 12 mins 47 sec ( I think - will have to check my blog post below!) .
I was just glad to have it done. The Universe conspired against me to ensure I completed the whole damn thing and I did and now, in so many ways, it seems insignificant but how much it built me up and made me begin to believe that all things fitness are possible can not have a value placed on it...
It made me begin to see the "Lee-Ann" at the end of my transformation. I realise that my transformation won't be complete in 12 weeks but each round, something new emerges. A more resilient or happier or less afraid Lee-Ann who is putting it all together to become the woman she has always wanted to be.. It hasn't been smooth sailing and it hasn't been fast but it has been happening and there is no going back now!!!
Yippeee! Bring on Rd 2 2011 :D :D
Life has been manically busy of late and I'm not sure I am going to have time to maintain it this round. But dammit! I am going to give it a good shot.
I've also decided I need to lighten up a bit and start looking at the funnier side of things instead of being so intense all the time!
Unfortunately I am not a very funny or witty person but seeing as I only have two faithful followers..... I'm sure it's not going to matter if my razor sharp wit fails to meet it's mark. :D
If you have come across this Blog by chance, my apologies in advance.
Monday, May 16, 2011
- Lost 6.9 kilos and 51cms from my body!
- Fitting in to smaller clothes, larger clothes becoming too loose!
- Have almost completely moved in to the Advanced program - My 1km time trial is 5:36 - 7 seconds less and I am officially advanced!
- Completed an Enticer Triathlon in 1 hour 16 mins and 2 seconds (300m swim 13:27 10km hilly bike course from hell 49:53 and 2km run with lead legs - 12:41)
- Followed up with my first major milestone in any of the 3 rounds:
20km bike ride 1:21:28, run/walk 9km 1:22:59 and 800m swim 42:41..... Burnt 2185 Calories
- Back to back to back classes (TONIGHT!) it was Body Attack (558) Body Pump (463 - highest ever calories burnt in body pump) then Boxing (587) Total of 1608 calories! Just awesome! :D
A lot of things that I never thought I would achieve! It had it's ups and it's downs but I think I am finally beginning to understand how my body works and I am actually loving pushing myself to extremes...