Okay - I need a bit of self inspiration and to actually remind myself that all the pain is worth it! So I feel I need to remind myself of the positives in all this and what it has actually done for me... Last round was probably the biggest winner so far so I'll focus on that.
I just read my post below re: my fear before the enticer triathlon. It was certainly a "defining" moment for me. So here is a blow by blow account:
After confronting my first fear of swimming in the ocean quite comfortably, I was feeling good and jumped on my bike.
That good feeling lasted about 10 mins. You see, folk had said the course was "quite hilly". These folk were liars. To an inexperienced rider such as myself it was really, really hard to imagine a hillier course, "quite" was not adequate. I dubbed it the Hilly Bike Course from Hell. (Although, technically, I don't believe in Hell, if there was a Hell this bike course would be in it.) Holy crap!!! It was hill after hill after hill and there was no relief!!!! Seriously.
By 20 mins in (prob - I had no real concept of time) I was blubbering my heart out. Big, heaving sobs as I realised even though I "couldn't do this" I had no choice but keep going toward the finish line. I think I basically cried most of the way back from there - even downhill! I knew I was dead last by a long shot and had resigned myself to parking the bike and quitting. There was no way I was going to finish this course. I couldn't even look at my family (Dave, Laura (10) and Erin(4)) as I approached the finish line for the bike course, knowing that I was going to park my bike. Walk off in to the crowd somewhere and watch everyone finish the race.
Unfortunately, the universe has graced me with perfect hearing, so over my screaming internal voice of self doubt, disappointment and pain, I heard the tiny, cherub-like voice of my four year old (most likely prompted by her father) saying "I'm so proud of you, mummy!" Uuurrrrgggghhhh! Now I HAD to finish the race.
So I parked my bike, put my head down and started jogging out to the 2km run course. *sigh* I was last, it was confirmed by the official who rode by me on his bike and informed base that he was with the last runner. I thought to myself that there was nothing more I could do now, so I resigned myself to finishing it. I ran the whole way and it actually felt good. A 2km run after the 10km bike ride from hell was a relief. My legs felt like lead but not in a bad way and I ran it in a pretty respectable time of 12 mins 47 sec ( I think - will have to check my blog post below!) .
I was just glad to have it done. The Universe conspired against me to ensure I completed the whole damn thing and I did and now, in so many ways, it seems insignificant but how much it built me up and made me begin to believe that all things fitness are possible can not have a value placed on it...
It made me begin to see the "Lee-Ann" at the end of my transformation. I realise that my transformation won't be complete in 12 weeks but each round, something new emerges. A more resilient or happier or less afraid Lee-Ann who is putting it all together to become the woman she has always wanted to be.. It hasn't been smooth sailing and it hasn't been fast but it has been happening and there is no going back now!!!
Yippeee! Bring on Rd 2 2011 :D :D
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