Bitchslapping self doubt back down...

I am beginning to panic. I set myself a goal to do an enticer triathlon on 3rd April. I was so sure at the beginning of this round that a 300m swim followed by an 8km bike ride followed by a 2km run was completely and totally achievable for me. So what has changed??

1. I have trained but not as much as I thought I would.

2. My anxiety about swimming in the ocean is taking hold. To date - I have only swam in a swimming pool and I have long had a phobia about the ocean and now it is getting bigger than Ben Hurr

3. I checked the website today and realised the 8km bike ride is actually a 10km bike ride. And that for the last race at Husky - there were 170 women in my age bracket - the highest number of all sexes and age groups!....

4. I know that I have emotional issues around exercise and I have to push through them but at the moment the emotional is winning.

5. I feel like I have something to prove and keep pushing and pushing my expectations higher and then realising that in the time frame - it is not likely to happen.

I know that I have found some incredible inner strength to get me "across the line" on other occassions but this doesn't feel like it's going to be one of them.

So I am starting to think about worse case scenario.... What in my mind is the worst thing that could happen?? That I get part way in to the swim and have to be "rescued" by officials and get pulled out of the race. And I think to myself what would I say to someone who I respect and love: "At least you gave it a go" - because really that is the most important thing of all.

I've also decided that at a minimum I am going to turn up - just like I have been doing with so many exercise sessions. Go in to robot mode - forget the emotion. I know that once I am there, I will just do what I have to do. After all my mantra for this round is "Doing what it takes.." so I guess, despite all self doubt, mind blowing fear and anxiety, I will stand on the line with 170 other women, take a deep breath and run into the ocean and see where I end up....

Cripes.. Who is this person???!