As another round of 12WBT commences, I am left to reflect on my constant failures, grasping desperately at any small change to justify at least some of the effort I have put in over the past 2 years.
In some ways, I am back at square one - emotionally and how I am living my life but at least not weight wise.... Exercise is too hard, living my life the way I do is too hard but I once again feel powerless to change it.
On the exercise front, I had discovered running. I was loving it. I was committed to it and achieving my goal of running the King of the Mountain in July. Now that has fallen completely by the wayside. I have had an enforced break from exercise with a shoulder injury and achilles tendonitis and while I *could* start running again now, my BHAG has slipped out of sight this time round, my other half is away, the weather is cold, I have an ear infection that just does not seem to be healing and I have succumbed to a big dose of the CBFs.....
The CBFs have only just found started to intefere with the running - for quite some time now they have been messing with my food preparation, food intake and all other forms of exercise but I still thought I was *okay* as long as I was running... Now they have hit me full force and I have to acknowledge them and where I have fallen to..
This will be the first round I have not joined since May 2010.... I have been stalled at the same 4-5 kilos since May 2011.... And here we are at May 2012 and I have "officially" given up..... Every round I have gone in thinking *I can do this* *I can get to my goal weight* *This round I am going to lose 20 kilos* and every time I fail..... I don't even come close... The most weight I have lost in one round is 7 kilos because I suck at sticking to the program. I "can't" /"won't" work it around my life. Not for the whole 12 weeks anyway!
Time for me to branch out on my own. To take the principles that worked for me and utilising them to the fullest degree. Paying forward a bit of support to my local group and letting myself shine at my own pace and in my own way and not feel bad about it! :)