Halt!!

So I have come to a grinding halt! Again... *sigh*

Pre-season Task 2 is killing me because to admit "I have the emotional capacity for this" as opposed to don't really scares me. There was definitely a stage in my life when I could handle very little emotionally because I was depressed but I have since defeated this belief in a small way but now it's time to face it in a big way and it makes me feel physically ill.

The other side of the coin is.... if I do have the emotional capacity for this, how much of the rest of my life am I wasting? I could be in another place right now but I tell myself that I am too emotionally weak to deal with this and so many other things in my life...

This has been such a shock to me. Now Mish has posted Preseason task 5 and I am still sitting here in denial....

Truth: I don't want to be sitting here in denial in 12 weeks time looking back having missed the opportunity again.... So I am giving myself a great big wake up call.  By the end of this weekend I will have completed these tasks and be up to date. I will be gut wrenchingly honest with myself, because I don't want to continue living my life this way.

Blogging, Eating, Working, Dreaming, Crying, Laughing, Running!!!

How do you balance all that??? Something had to give and on this occassion I am pleased to say it was the blog!! I have kept record up until a week ago on an excel spreadsheet and I will return to that soon but for now I am focusing on eating well, exercising and avoiding bad things.

I am tired. After 23 days of not drinking the drink that shall not be named.... I had a black russian and couldn't sleep ALL night. One glass and I wasn't even tired until this afternoon....

It is still important for me to record EVERY morsel of food that goes in to my mouth and every bit of exercise I do. I need evidence. I feel like it doesn't matter what I do - I can't get consistent weight loss and it is soooo slow. I need to make sure I am eating fewer calories and burning more!!!

I also need to get my HRM fixed so I can be specific about the calories!

I think my tiredness is showing in my ramblings - time to let it go!

I'll be back soon!

100g of M&Ms = 500 calories = feeling very, very ill

I've been in an emotional slump for days now. It seems to have tied in with me giving up on Pepsi MAX and I'm on to Day 5 (06 Jan 11) and I feel like crap.

The past 4 days I have been fighting emotional eating binges with a great deal of success but caved yesterday. I felt so miserable, so down in the dumps and the urge to stuff food in my mouth became all too much. 100g of M&Ms doesn't look like much, but it sure made me feel sick - I haven't eaten that much chocolate in one hit in a long time and it made me feel ill. This was heightened by reading after the fact, how many calories I had actually consumed.

It also hit home to me how easily I ate excess calories before this Michelle Bridge's program. On top of that chocolate - I would have had ice-cream, carbs, biscuits, packets of chips. Along with large portion sizes, I would easily have been eating in excess of 2000 calories a day and not exercising and gaining weight.

I don't know why I am so bummed out right now. It is driving me nuts but I will get there. I always do. I just have to hope I don't take too many casualties along the way.

The Daily Record - Week 4

Week  4 Summary:    Wed Weigh In :                                      Overall Loss/Gain: 

 

Day  26 - Sunday  09 Jan

Exercise Undertaken:

Positive thought:

And today’s win is....

Calories In  minus  ( Calories Out   plus BMR  ) equals: 

Comments:

Day  25  – Saturday 08 Jan

Exercise Undertaken: Nil....

Positive thought: I had a great day with my family and am grateful for them and that I get to be a healthy example to my girls!

And today’s win is....Stopping the temptation to eat more than necessary. Ie having one piece of cinnamon toast instead of ordering a second serve ; )

Calories In 728  minus  ( Calories Out  nil  plus BMR 1650  ) equals: -922

Comments: My rice paper rolls really filled me up at lunch and dinner - even though they were less than 200 calories each meal.... YUM!

Day  24 – Friday 07 Jan

Exercise Undertaken: Body Pump

Positive thought: I am building the body I desire with every exercise I undertake.

And today’s win is.... Having a skinny cow sundae at the movies - no popcorn, no choctop, no softdrink!

Calories In 1189 minus  ( Calories Out 300  plus BMR 1650 ) equals:  -761

Comments:

Day 23  – Thursday 06 Jan

Exercise Undertaken: RPM (Worked my butt off and sweated up a storm!)

Positive thought: Every little success I have is building me up for a bigger success to get to where I need to be.

And today’s win is....

Calories In  1144 minus  ( Calories Out  600 plus BMR 1650  ) equals: -1106

Comments:

Day 22  – Wednesday 05 Jan

Exercise Undertaken: Pump class

Positive thought: I am going to complete this "journey" to my ideal weight - no matter how long it takes or how much I have to grit my teeth to get there.

And today’s win is...Going to Pump class despite blowing things.

Calories In 1798  minus  ( Calories Out 300  plus BMR 1650  ) equals: -157

Comments: ...Disaster day... Trying to shake this feeling of sadness without success.

Day 21   –  Tuesday 04 Jan

Exercise Undertaken: jog/walk 4km

Positive thought:

And today’s win is.... Getting out the door for my morning exercise before 7am. Lovely to see the other early morning walkers/joggers!

Calories In 1209  minus  ( Calories Out  400  plus BMR 1650  ) equals: -841

Comments:

Day  20 – Monday 03 Jan

Exercise Undertaken: 4km jog/walk

Positive thought: I can rock this....

And today’s win is... JFDI even though I was emotionally dead

Calories In  1068 minus  ( Calories Out 400  plus BMR 1650 ) equals: -932

Comments:

What does it take????

I am really wondering if I have what it takes to turn my whole lifestyle around..... I noted below that I am taking 3 steps forward and 1 step back and that overall my momentum is forward....

But, I'm just not sure I am entirely happy with that. I just want to be moving forward but I think it is a whole lot more than just this exercise/food/weight loss thing going on in my life. It's family, it's study, it's career, it's spiritual - the fact is, I need to work on every aspect of my life at the moment to help address the emotions - which will in turn address the need to eat to make myself feel better.

The emotional eating is something I confront every day and most days win against - not so much when I was around my family for 3 days over Christmas but we all did manage to get through it without a domestic - so that's a bonus!! At the moment I am using PepsiMAX to compensate for the desire to eat when feeling stressed, upset, crazy, hormonal, bored - you name it, I'll eat for it! So in essence - I am still avoiding confronting the emotion.

Half the problem is - I don't know where to start. But I figure I've just got to start somewhere.

SO!!! Back to the question - what does it take? Where is it that I have been successful in dropping the weight:

1. Planning and making back up plans and sticking to them. - I do need some flexibility in my life, in terms of timing etc but I have found things have gone most smoothly when I have plans in place and back up plans for those days I know are going to be a bit out of the ordinairy.

2. Exercising most days and having at least one big session a week.

3. Watching my calorie intake like a hawk!!!! Being honest about what I am eating and the amount I am eating - first and foremost.

4. Loving myself. I've noticed when I am down on myself it just doesn't work. I need to accept and love myself for the person I am right now and just get on with it.

It takes a lot of hard work - physically, emotionally, mentally and I need to persevere until it becomes second nature. - Just like brushing my teeth......

The Daily Record - Week 3

Week  3 Summary:    Wed Weigh In :   97.9 (96.8 an hour later??)   Overall Loss/Gain: +3.0

 

Day 19 - Sunday 02 Jan 

Exercise Undertaken: 8km bike ride

Positive thought: I accept myself as I am and will endeavour to look upon myself with kinder, more forgiving eyes.

And today’s win is.... Not eating every chocolate item in the cupboard and channelling my emotions in to meditation and my bike ride.

Calories In 1337  minus  ( Calories Out  200 plus BMR 1650  ) equals: -513

Comments: I am really struggling with emotional eating right now. I feel so dissatisfied with my life in general and it makes me feel really sad. Sad = eating comfort food and eating constantly. I am a classic feed your emotions kind of girl - Unfortunately it doesn't ultimately resolve anything.

Day 18  – Saturday 01 Jan 
**Note: I want to make today a big one - a reminder of what I want to go in to the new year with**

Exercise Undertaken: Nil - so disappointed with myself....

Positive thought: New Year, Same Me, New Attitude

And today’s win is.... Don't feel like I had a win today. Although "kept" within calories - it was all really, really poor choices of food.

Calories In 1111 minus  ( Calories Out  0  plus BMR 1650 ) equals: -439

Comments: Not happy about today -didn't want to start the New Year lazy! Still hurting from the mega workout on Thursday.

Day 17  – Friday 31 Dec

Exercise Undertaken: Run Walk in Heat

Positive thought:  Gave it a good go in the heat - worked as hard as I could

And today’s win is.... Running inspite of the weather

Calories In 1534 minus  ( Calories Out 300  plus BMR 1650 ) equals:  -316

Comments:

Day 16  – Thursday 30 Dec

Exercise Undertaken: 45min 5km run/walk/jog/shuffle!  PLUS pump and RPM in the evening!

Positive thought: I am making changes every day that will build up in to something much bigger than I can even begin to imagine.

And today’s win is....Getting out the door to exercise in the morning

Calories In 1172 minus  ( Calories Out 1200  plus BMR 1650 ) equals: -1678

Comments:  An interesting day for food.  Decided on Bruschetta for lunch but one bread roll was 305 calories and 1 tbsp olive 159 - halved the bread, plenty of olive oil in 1 tbsp and tomato basil base at 54 calories brought the total to 363 Calories! Sweet!!! (And very filling!)

Day 15 – Wednesday 29 Dec

Exercise Undertaken:

Positive thought: Today I am back in the driver's seat - I have taken back control.

And today’s win is...

Calories In   minus  ( Calories Out plus BMR   ) equals: 

Comments:Weigh in today was strange - first weigh in of the morning I was up 2.0 kilos but then weighed myself again an hour later and it was only a .9 kilo gain...... I'll stick with the first and see where I am at next week. I really want to get below 90 kilos by the end of January.....

Day   14 –  Tuesday 28 Dec

Exercise Undertaken: Nil

Positive thought:

And today’s win is....

Calories In   minus  ( Calories Out   plus BMR  ) equals: 

Comments:

Day 13 – Monday 27 Dec

Exercise Undertaken: Nil

Positive thought: I may be taking 3 steps forward, 1 step back, but the momentum overall is still forwards - I am not going back to where I once was but moving onward to the new me.

And today’s win is... Subway for lunch instead of submitting to the Highway fast food kings!

Calories In   minus  ( Calories Out   plus BMR 1700 ) equals: 

Comments: Travelled home from Canberra today - didn't record food intake or

The Daily Record - Week 2

Week 2 Summary:    Wed Weigh In : 95.9 : )     Overall Loss/Gain: -3.0

 

Day 7 - Sunday 26 Dec

Exercise Undertaken:

Positive thought:

And today’s win is....

Calories In  minus  ( Calories Out   plus BMR  ) equals: 

Comments:

Day 11  – Saturday 25 Dec

Exercise Undertaken:

Positive thought:

And today’s win is....Not putting chips out with the nibblies and getting in to my swimmers in front of rellies....

Calories In  minus  ( Calories Out   plus BMR  ) equals: 

Comments:

Day 10  – Friday 24 Dec

Exercise Undertaken: Nil

Positive thought:

And today’s win is....

Calories In  minus  ( Calories Out   plus BMR  ) equals: 

Comments:

Day 9  – Thursday 23 Dec

Exercise Undertaken: Body Step class

Positive thought:

And today’s win is....

Calories In  minus  ( Calories Out   plus BMR  ) equals: 

Comments:

Day 8  – Wednesday 22 Dec

Exercise Undertaken: Nil

Positive thought: I am becoming the fitter, healthier, more capable person I want to be EVERYDAY!

And today’s win is... Only ate when hungry today.

Calories In  962 minus  ( Calories Out nil  plus BMR 1700  ) equals: -738

Comments: Ecstactic that my way stayed low..... Not expecting a big loss next week with Christmas around the corner and my issues with getting out and training by myself....

Day 7  –  Tuesday 21 Dec

Exercise Undertaken: Short family walk

Positive thought: I am feeling attractive again -seeing myself beyond the physical. Liking my smile again!

And today’s win is....Sticking to an accelerator day!

Calories In  1082 minus  ( Calories Out nil  plus BMR  1700 ) equals: -618

Comments: Looks like today has been my no exercise day! Had a sneaky weigh in this morning and was down to 95.9..... I really, really hope tmw morning is the same or less!! "C'mon" (said Lleyton Hewitt style!)

Day 6  – Monday 20 Dec

Exercise Undertaken: Boxing class!

Positive thought: LOVED how I went for gold in my boxing class - feels so good!

And today’s win is....Keeping the Calories down despite a poor decision for an afternoon snack

Calories In  1322 minus  ( Calories Out 600  plus BMR 1700 ) equals: -978

Comments: Had a chocco frappe at McDs today 579 Calories in a Tall!!! OMG! NEVER eating from McD's again without knowing the Calorie Cost before hand - I thought it might the equivalent of 2 snacks NOT 2 meals!!