Size 14 is the New Fat........ - Mindset Lesson

A few weeks ago I was feeling really, really good! In the past year I have lost 20 kilos and gotten down to the lowest weight I've been in probably almost 10 years AND I fitted in to a pair of size 14 Jeans..... : D

Celebrations all round right??? Well, yes, for a couple of weeks. I was so thrilled with myself that I became complacent and started allowing myself to not "actually count my calories" and to "take it easy" with the exercise. After all, I was still "recovering" from that "calf injury"..... It is amazing what you can justify when you want to....

And then, when I realised what I was doing - it became, "well, I will eat this today, because starting tomorrow I'm not going to eat this kind of stuff anymore" but the will power was well and truly broken and I have struggled and struggled ever since to even come close to getting things back under control.

Somewhere in the midst of all that carry on, I began to see myself as fat again.... Even though the cms have gone up by one or two - in my head they have shot back out by 10-20cm. Although my weight has only gone up by a couple of kilos - in my head it may as well be the full 20 kilos..... I seriously feel as fat as I did when I was a size 20. I "feel" as unfit as I did 12 months ago (to be honest even 6 months ago when I bailed out of the Michelle Bridge's workout in Dec 2010).

So somehow in my head, Size 14 has become "just as fat" as Size 20..... You would think that would spur me on to drop another dress size but..... this is what I thought I would get to... Even if I lost the other 20 kilos I wanted to lose, I can't even begin to fathom being a Size 12 or a Size 10. It truly is beyond my comprehension... I can't even believe I am "this skinny" - there is no way I could achieve an even smaller size - so it would seem my subconscious is proving me right.

It is allowing me to sit here - right within my expectations and now, I have to work out how to move beyond that. How to re-set my expectation or set up that new belief....

It is blowing my mind at the moment! I honestly can't get my head around it - but I hope I can soon - otherwise I fear I may start heading back towards that woman I don't want to be.

My week 6 Weekly surprise submission!!

This is my SSS submission! :D
LanB's 10 x 10 x 10 Backyard Challenge
Workout level: Prob best for Intermediate to Advanced Lean and Fit
Location: at home, outdoors, anywhere there is a bit of space!!!
Approx duration: approx 1 hour to complete warm up and 10 rounds - Add half an hour more if you want to include a 30 min run or an extra 5 rounds....

The plan!!! To complete 5 minutes of planks, 100 burpees, 100  static lunges, 100 push ups, 100 crunches, 100 squat jumps, 100 ice skaters, 100 tricep dips, 100 ski jumps, 100 towel pulls and 100 side taps in an hour!! Much easier when you break it down in to 10 rounds of 10 reps for each of these 10 exercises (for those counting - the planks are an added bonus!!!!)

Warm Up options: 5 mins skipping OR 5 mins jogging on the spot - alternating heels behind and knees up for 30 sec each for the entire 5 mins

Complete 10 rounds of the following:

Plank 30sec
10 x burpees
10 x static lunges ( 1 left, 1 right = 1 REP!)
10 x push ups (on your toes!!!! - knees if needed)
10 x crunches
10 x squat jumps
10 x ice-skaters
10 tricep dips
10 x ski jumps
10 x towel pulls
10 x side tap crunches

Push through each round without a break until at least Round 5 - take no more than a 2 min recovery walk and continue on with your last 5 rounds!

To take it up to 1000 calories burnt, you could finish with a 30 min run and then stretch OR do another 5 rounds!

3 out of 4 days - FAIL!

Today was meant to be my clean eating day but I have succumbed once again to..... well, I want to blame my inner teenager or my inner labrador but I really can't. I think I need to blame my complacency and belief in my own invincibility.

I'm not quite sure how I fell back in to the mind frame that thinks that I can get away with eating 600 calories of chocolate in one day, eat two dinners - home made spag bol followed by KFC.......

Wow - it is really scary when I see it written down. I tell myself but that's only today - I won't be doing that for the next 8 weeks..... but as I said before after 2 days of bad eating over the long weekend this was going to be the start of eating clean again. Hhhhhhmmmm - FAIL!

And to top it off - I feel physically ill. I have gone to bed feeling physically ill on 3 out of the last 4 nights. How is this not a wake up call???? What is wrong with me? And to top it off, my errrmmm cough cough (bowel) is not functioning in quite the same way and I feel like I am full of gas....

I need to right down how shitty I feel right now so I can look back at this and remind myself that this is what eating badly does - oh yeah - and that weight gain thing I thought I had conquered....

2 Weeks of "recovery" - Excuse?

I'm being a sook. I am taking it easy because I'm worried about re-injuring my calf but I think my heart hasn't been it.

I have used my injury to take a break - not only from exercising like a woman possessed but also from eating right..... It's only for this week, it's only until I can be training hard again.... ENOUGH!! Enough with the excuses, Lee-Ann. My dear, dear friend has had a health scare but she is holding it together and not using it as an excuse to eat herself in to oblivion. It's time to take a leaf out of her book and quit the whining and poor excuses.

This program is 80% nutrition. If I can get the nutrition right - I can get everything else right too. I have 8 more weigh ins to go and I want them to be good ones.

Finger has been pulled out - moving on!

Sit, Labrador, Sit!

I've done really, really well today. I'm not hungry and am keeping my food simple but, I tell you, my "inner labrador" will not shut up! It wants me to eat, something, anything! In case, I get hungry later and don't have anything to grab.... Because I like it... Because I can....

It is also well aware that I want to eat anyway, as a distraction to thinking about why I am upset today, why I am letting things get to me that don't really matter, why I am feeling so emotionally drained.... Because when I'm in the moment, eating, exercising whatever - I don't think about me, about my feelings - I just exist, function.


And I never have to confront, why I am where I am and what I am going to do about it.... Sometimes it's good to get out of your head but sometimes it's good to have a look inside. So today I am telling my Inner Labrador to sit, be quiet and let me think. Because I am moving forward and unless my Inner Labrador learns some manners, he/she is not coming along for the ride!**

**Who am I kidding?? That Inner Labrador has to find a new home! I don't have the space for him/her anymore ; )

Too much time waiting

As I sit here *waiting * for my computer to cooperate, I am reminded of how much time I've wasted sitting on the sidelines waiting for the time to be right!   

Funny thing - I almost wrote waisted then. Sadly it's a true reflection. I believe very strongly in excess weight being emotionally connected. As I've spent my life doing things I don't want to do I have piled on and held on to weight.

This is the first time in 20 years I have felt this good about myself.  I feel in control and ready to take on the world.

No more moments of happiness.  I get to have daily happiness. No more waiting until.....  I get to feel good about myself EVERY day. Love it! 

Week 1 - Done and dusted!

I hate doing summary blogs!!! They drive me mental. I have so many good thoughts during the week but I don't have time to write them down.... At the moment I am extremely time poor but making sure I get my food right and my exercise in! No excuses!!!

So the blog has had to take a second seat! Yet again.... Yipes!!!

I lost 700g at the first weigh in but I am aiming for bigger numbers this round! I want down!!! I want to mow through the 80s and in to the 70s!!! I am going to the end of round party dressed in the appropriate attire to my weight loss!!! Why not?? 60s go-go girl here I come!!


I have worked super hard this week but have managed to injure my calf muscle during my run this morning. So not happy with this but I am going to take it on board and use it to ensure I eat so very, very right the next few weeks until it is repaired. Another lesson to learn! :D