Tales from Rounds of Olde.... - The Epic Incredibly Emotional Enticer Triathlon

Okay - I need a bit of self inspiration and to actually remind myself that all the pain is worth it! So I feel I need to remind myself of the positives in all this and what it has actually done for me... Last round was probably the biggest winner so far so I'll focus on that.

I just read my post below re: my fear before the enticer triathlon. It was certainly a "defining" moment for me. So here is a blow by blow account:

After confronting my first fear of swimming in the ocean quite comfortably, I was feeling good and jumped on my bike.

That good feeling lasted about 10 mins. You see, folk had said the course was "quite hilly". These folk were liars. To an inexperienced rider such as myself it was really, really hard to imagine a hillier course, "quite" was not adequate. I dubbed it the Hilly Bike Course from Hell. (Although, technically, I don't believe in Hell, if there was a Hell this bike course would be in it.)  Holy crap!!! It was hill after hill after hill and there was no relief!!!! Seriously.

By 20 mins in (prob - I had no real concept of time) I was blubbering my heart out. Big, heaving sobs as I realised even though I "couldn't do this" I had no choice but keep going toward the finish line. I think I basically cried most of the way back from there - even downhill! I knew I was dead last by a long shot and had resigned myself to parking the bike and quitting. There was no way I was going to finish this course. I couldn't even look at my family (Dave, Laura (10) and Erin(4)) as I approached the finish line for the bike course, knowing that I was going to park my bike. Walk off in to the crowd somewhere and watch everyone finish the race.

Unfortunately, the universe has graced me with perfect hearing, so over my screaming internal voice of self doubt, disappointment and pain, I heard the tiny, cherub-like voice of my four year old (most likely prompted by her father) saying "I'm so proud of you, mummy!"  Uuurrrrgggghhhh! Now I HAD to finish the race.

So I parked my bike, put my head down and started jogging out to the 2km run course. *sigh* I was last, it was confirmed by the official who rode by me on his bike and informed base that he was with the last runner. I thought to myself that there was nothing more I could do now, so I resigned myself to finishing it. I ran the whole way and it actually felt good. A 2km run after the 10km bike ride from hell was a relief. My legs felt like lead but not in a bad way and I ran it in a pretty respectable time of 12 mins 47 sec ( I think - will have to check my blog post below!) .

I was just glad to have it done. The Universe conspired against me to ensure I completed the whole damn thing and I did and now, in so many ways, it seems insignificant but how much it built me up and made me begin to believe that all things fitness are possible can not have a value placed on it...

It made me begin to see the "Lee-Ann" at the end of my transformation. I realise that my transformation won't be complete in 12 weeks but each round, something new emerges. A more resilient or happier or less afraid Lee-Ann who is putting it all together to become the woman she has always wanted to be.. It hasn't been smooth sailing and it hasn't been fast but it has been happening and there is no going back now!!!

Yippeee! Bring on Rd 2 2011 :D :D

A Blog so funny you'll pee yourself reading it....

Still in the throws of indecision about how to format my blog....


Life has been manically busy of late and I'm not sure I am going to have time to maintain it this round. But dammit! I am going to give it a good shot.


I've also decided I need to lighten up a bit and start looking at the funnier side of things instead of being so intense all the time!


Unfortunately I am not a very funny or witty person but seeing as I only have two faithful followers..... I'm sure it's not going to matter if my razor sharp wit fails to meet it's mark. :D


If you have come across this Blog by chance, my apologies in advance.

A Quick Summary of Rd 1 2011

 

• Lost 6.9 kilos and 51cms from my body! 

• Fitting in to smaller clothes, larger clothes becoming too loose! 

• Have almost completely moved in to the Advanced program - My 1km time trial is 5:36 - 7 seconds less and I am officially advanced!

• Completed an Enticer Triathlon in 1 hour 16 mins and 2 seconds (300m swim 13:27 10km hilly bike course from hell 49:53 and 2km run with lead legs - 12:41) 

• Followed up with my first major milestone in any of the 3 rounds:
  20km bike ride 1:21:28, run/walk 9km 1:22:59 and 800m swim 42:41..... Burnt 2185 Calories

• Back to back to back classes (TONIGHT!) it was Body Attack (558) Body Pump (463 - highest ever calories burnt in body pump) then Boxing (587) Total of 1608 calories! Just awesome! :D

A lot of things that I never thought I would achieve! It had it's ups and it's downs but I think I am finally beginning to understand how my body works and I am actually loving pushing myself to extremes... 

Week 5 - Burn baby burn!

So it looks like I've worked out what it takes this week... 99.9% clean eating and 4 out of 7 days of double classes (plus 1 day of boxing - I stuffed up 2 days) has resulted in a 1.3 kilo weight loss this week. Phew. I am so relieved that my extra hard work has paid off!

I really feel like I earnt this one. I have been exhausted! Just plain old exhausted. I also feel a little cheated. I am so overweight and I seem to lose weight like someone with a lot less to lose. I read about others who don't exercise and still lose this kind of weight but I've just got to suck it up and realise that I'm just going to have to do the hard yards.

C'est la vie. I'm not sure how long I can sustain this pace but I am going to have to. I plan to be in the 80s in the next few weeks and just keep going down!!! Yeeha!!

Bitchslapping self doubt back down...

I am beginning to panic. I set myself a goal to do an enticer triathlon on 3rd April. I was so sure at the beginning of this round that a 300m swim followed by an 8km bike ride followed by a 2km run was completely and totally achievable for me. So what has changed??

1. I have trained but not as much as I thought I would.

2. My anxiety about swimming in the ocean is taking hold. To date - I have only swam in a swimming pool and I have long had a phobia about the ocean and now it is getting bigger than Ben Hurr

3. I checked the website today and realised the 8km bike ride is actually a 10km bike ride. And that for the last race at Husky - there were 170 women in my age bracket - the highest number of all sexes and age groups!....

4. I know that I have emotional issues around exercise and I have to push through them but at the moment the emotional is winning.

5. I feel like I have something to prove and keep pushing and pushing my expectations higher and then realising that in the time frame - it is not likely to happen.

I know that I have found some incredible inner strength to get me "across the line" on other occassions but this doesn't feel like it's going to be one of them.

So I am starting to think about worse case scenario.... What in my mind is the worst thing that could happen?? That I get part way in to the swim and have to be "rescued" by officials and get pulled out of the race. And I think to myself what would I say to someone who I respect and love: "At least you gave it a go" - because really that is the most important thing of all.

I've also decided that at a minimum I am going to turn up - just like I have been doing with so many exercise sessions. Go in to robot mode - forget the emotion. I know that once I am there, I will just do what I have to do. After all my mantra for this round is "Doing what it takes.." so I guess, despite all self doubt, mind blowing fear and anxiety, I will stand on the line with 170 other women, take a deep breath and run into the ocean and see where I end up....

Cripes.. Who is this person???!

Back to Blogging

So it is now 3 weeks in to Rd 1 2011 Michelle Bridge's 12WBT! And contrary to appearances - I have been working my arse off. Just not on this blog.
I've decided I don't have the time for it this round but I am keeping it open for my benefit.

I honestly can't squeeze another thing in to my life at the moment. I'm not even keeping my food diary. It's all just a bit too hard.

I am exhausted - not just physically but also mentally. I really, really feel like I can't continue to live like this anymore. Something is going to give, very soon..... I don't know what, I don't know where - all I know for certain is that it can't be this exercise and eating properly because that is what is helping me survive.

Exercise makes me cry, laugh, feel proud, strive, love myself, hate myself, gives me hope, grounds me. I need it in my life - desperately.

I also need to start seeing more of this weight loss stuff. I need to break these 90 kilos and I want to get myself down to my goal weight. If I manage to shift another 10 kilos by May - that will be 20 kilos lost in the past year. I think that is a great goal.

So no more messing around, body. We are on a mission and we are going to complete it. ; )

Halt!!

So I have come to a grinding halt! Again... *sigh*

Pre-season Task 2 is killing me because to admit "I have the emotional capacity for this" as opposed to don't really scares me. There was definitely a stage in my life when I could handle very little emotionally because I was depressed but I have since defeated this belief in a small way but now it's time to face it in a big way and it makes me feel physically ill.

The other side of the coin is.... if I do have the emotional capacity for this, how much of the rest of my life am I wasting? I could be in another place right now but I tell myself that I am too emotionally weak to deal with this and so many other things in my life...

This has been such a shock to me. Now Mish has posted Preseason task 5 and I am still sitting here in denial....

Truth: I don't want to be sitting here in denial in 12 weeks time looking back having missed the opportunity again.... So I am giving myself a great big wake up call.  By the end of this weekend I will have completed these tasks and be up to date. I will be gut wrenchingly honest with myself, because I don't want to continue living my life this way.